------------------------------------------------------------------------ Need For Play! A Tenchi Muyo! SPAMfic ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki (c) AIC * Pioneer LDC, Inc. This fan fiction is for private home use only; it may be freely redistributed, but not altered or used for profit. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ by Douglas MacDougall http://www.dougmacd.net/fanworks/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Washu, greatest scientific mind in the galaxy, stared at the screens with a sort of numb horror. The two panes of light hung insubstantially in space, suspended by the wonders of technology. Beep. Beep. Beep. One of the translucent screens had the number 1000 printed in large, cheery characters. Underneath were the words "Lil Washu," and a little Super Deformed picture of the scientist with dancing hearts. The other screen displayed a different, smaller number, with the label "Mihoshi," and its own little SD portrait. Beep. Beep. She pulled her eyes from the screens and looked at the physical Mihoshi, who was was lying blissfully asleep on her futon. Little blinky lights surrounded the electronic circlet she had put around the blonde's head. Washu was a little surprised that it hadn't woken the police officer up, but then again, the woman had barely stirred when she had teleported her into the lab. Washu had been bored, and wanted to try out her latest toy on somebody. She would have grab-- (er) borrowed Ryoko, but she already knew what the device would say about her. Beep. Tenchi would have been fun, but he was starting to get really uptight about being her guinea pig. His stress levels were positively scary! If he were a normal Earthling, he'd probably have suffered a heart attack long ago. So she'd picked everyone's favorite bronze-skinned beauty. Well, maybe favorite wasn't the word. Tenchi didn't mind having her around; she caused less problems than Ayeka or Ryoko. Less problems for HIM, anyway. She glanced at the screen, which had been silent for a while. Had the sensor simulation algorithms finally converged on a value? Beep. She sweated as the number above Mihoshi's name incremented. There had to be something wrong with the machine. But... SHE had made it! Washu, greatest scientific genius in the galaxy. No! The universe! It had to be perfect. But... The number couldn't possibly be right! Even the little animated SD Washu was looking worriedly at the other screen. Her invention was supposed to analyze every neuro-pathway in a sentient's brain. Combined with special analysis and simulation software only a genius such as herself could create, the device would accurately determine a being's intelligence. It was much more advanced than the primitive Earth IQ tests. First and foremost, it was a scanner, which allowed the subject to remain passive, rather than take a test. As such, it was unaffected by lucky guesses, or mistakes -- and the subject didn't even have to be conscious! It worked on all intelligent races, regardless of language or physiology. It would even work on non-corporeal beings or animals. The software established all possible permutations of the subject's thought patterns and derived an exact value. It didn't depend on a vague concepts like "mental" and "physical age. Instead, it used the precise unit of measurement known as the milliWashu, one thousand of which equal the intelligence of mighty and brilliant Washu. She'd carefully configured the machine to be precise to ten decimal places. She wanted to find out just how dumb a person could be to screw up all of her inventions. They say if you build something foolproof, somebody will make a better fool. And Mihoshi was certainly that. But she was showing up as... As only one point less than-- Beep. Washu swallowed as the fourth digit tripped on Mihoshi's screen. A one now proudly marked the head of a row of three zeros. "She's... As smart as me?!?" "Ooh. Where am I?" Mihoshi yawned and scratched her head. "Oh, wow, what's this thing?" She curiously poked the device on her head. "Mi- Mihoshi!" "Washu, do you know what this thing is on my head?" Beep. Washu froze. "One thousand... And one?" "Hey, what're those numbers?" Mihoshi got up and shuffled over blearily to Washu. "Is this a game? How do I play?" She smiled happily. "Don't touch that!" Too late, Mihoshi started poking the screens. They were supposed to be intangible, but somehow the bubblehead managed to find and press buttons on them. Boop bip bip. Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep... The screen became a frenzy of activity until it settled at: CONVERGENCE TO TEN DECIMAL PLACES. 1666. Mihoshi "It... It's not supposed to do that," muttered Washu. "You can't just make the simulation converge faster like that!" Mihoshi grinned. "Wow! I'm smart!" She winked. Washu, understandably, passed out. * * * * * * * And woke up again with a start. "Dream! Dream. All a horrible dream." She ripped the headset off her forehead, and flung it to the floor with a clatter. Rubbing her head, she brushed her mane of red hair back out of her face. "Was that thing set on nightmare?" Groaning, she waved her hand behind her, until she found a light panel, and activated her anti-somnin ray, which instantly removed all traces of drowsiness from her system. Her bed disappeared into its pocket dimension as soon as she slipped off of it, and walked into the bathroom. She stepped into her personal hygeiene unit, holding her arms out, and was washed, dried, sanitized, groomed, and dressed within a minute. All this and a complementary mint, too! Walking back into her lab, she started playing with her computer. She checked her e-mail, stocks, and the intelligent program she had wormed into the NASA computers to seek out all data on extra-terrestrial contact, and replace them with dummy information. Glancing in the empty corner where she had teleported Mihoshi to in her dream, she was lost in thought for a few moments, before deciding to develop an intelligence scanner like the one she had imagined. After a few minutes of programming the algorithm, she heard Sasami's voice over the intercom. "Washu? Breakfast time!" Washu spun around in her hovercushion and walked through the portal from her lab. She instantaneously walked out of a corresponding door at the base of the Masaki residence stairs. * * * * * * * Nobuyuki spoke up from behind his morning paper. "Hmm. It says here that the more developed the mind, the greater the need it has for rest and recreation." Katsuhito nodded solemnly. "Yes. The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity that is play." He sipped from his cup of tea. Nobuyuki lowered the paper to look at his father-in-law. "Is that one of your proverbs?" Tenchi answered for him. "He saw it on Star Trek last night." Noboyuki looked for confirmation from the older man, but he was still hiding his face behind the teacup. Ryoko elbowed Ayeka. "Gee, I really like to play, so I must have a pretty complex mind, huh?" "That sounds about right..." answered her rival. Ryoko's grin widened, "So the princess finally admits it!" Ayeka favored Ryoko with a level gaze. "With all that complexity, it would certainly explain all the glitches with your brain." "Glitches!?!" the space pirate slammed the table with her hand. "Or is there a reason why you tried to kill Tenchi when he released you from the cave?" "Ah..." A sweatdrop found a home on one of the spikes of her hair. "After all, didn't you say that you had watched him since he was a little boy? So why is it that the first thing you did after he released you was hunt him down and try to get revenge on him?" "Wh- I--" Ryoko stammered. "That's beside the point! We were talking about how I know how to have fun, and you don't." Ayeka sniffed. "While you're 'having fun', others are being helpful." Ryoko smirked, "I don't see you doing anything, yer Highness. Your little sister does all the work." She pointed a thumb at Sasami, who was busily serving breakfast. Ayeka blushed. "At least I-- That is... Tenchi, what do you think about it?" Tenchi winced, having been drawn into one of Ayeka and Ryoko's arguments. "Ah, you mean about developed minds needing more play?" Ayeka and Ryoko nodded. "Well, I guess it makes sense. I mean, look at Grandpa. He's really focused and everything, and he certainly has fun goofing around..." Off in the corner, Tenchi's father was still trying to ask Katsuhito if he had actually watched Star Trek, but was stymied by the fact that the other man had found a crossword puzzle and was busily engrossing himself in it. Ryoko nodded, "Yeah, yeah, smart-types like us need to blow off steam, every once and a while." She leaned back with a lazy grin. Tenchi scratched the back of his head. "I wonder what that says about me, though. I mean, it's not like I play around. I just do my chores all day long. Simple minds, simple pleasures, I guess." Ryoko stammered an apology, "N- No, Tenchi, I didn't mean that--" Ayeka interrupted, "Oh, no, Tenchi! You're smart! You're just more sensitive and refined. You find happiness and relaxation in the fields, watching the sunset, or being with your friends. Your refined mind finds joy and relaxation in the simple beauties of life. You don't need to play, like some sort of simple lout!" Ryoko leaned over. "Why you--!" "You're both right!" Washu announced to the room. "Eh?" the two space women responded. The mad scientist went into her lecture mode, pulling out a short stick. She didn't have a screen to point to, but she'd always found that it helped kept her 'students' in line when they thought they might get whacked on the head. "All minds need to relax, once in a while. The more complex, active, or focused the mind, the more important that relaxation becomes. But we all find rest in our own ways. "Ryoko is quite smart. Naturally, I wouldn't design her to be anything less. Of course, the poor thing isn't very refined, so she relaxes by simple play." "Washu!" growled the space pirate. "Ayeka isn't as intelligent as Ryoko--" Ryoko guffawed, which was studiously ignored by the purple-haired princes. "--But she applies her intelligence much more often." Ayeka merely arched an eyebrow, and twitched the corner of her mouth up. Ryoko pouted and began to sulk. "She is, after all, the princess, and has been trained with the knowledge of how to run an empire. She finds relaxation not with action, but comtemplation." "And what about me?" asked Tenchi, pointing to himself. Washu glanced at the young man for a moment before replying. "Sasami is quite bright, and always working hard, but she doesn't let herself be taken down with the complexities of life. It is relaxation enough for her to know that she's helping her friends." Sasami looked down at the floor, hiding her blush. "Thank you, Miss Washu." Tenchi looked down at the floor, hiding his depression. "It's okay, Lord Tenchi." said Aeka, patting him on the back. "We can't all be smarties like me," added Ryoko. Tenchi sighed deeply. Washu continued. "Of course, a genius of my caliber requires more play than others!" Tenchi's father muttered, "Oh, yes... How could I forget all the wonderful things you've done for us." He laughed uneasily. "You love it and you know it!" She cheered. Yes, you'll never have to fear for boredom as long as Washu is here!" She posed dramatically, pointing to the sky. Sasami clapped her hands happily, and a sweatdrop appeared on Nobuyuki's head. A round of nervous laughs went up around the rest of the table. "My mind is SO smart and always working, that I simply don't have enough time in the day to relax. So I developed a dream machine that would let me experience whatever I want to when I sleep! It has perfect visual clarity and full surround sound! The ultimate relaxation experience!" She pouted. "Of course, not all the bugs are out of it, yet..." Tenchi reflexively started to back away. "You don't want to test it on me, do you?" he chuckled uneasily. "It looks like she's already got a guinea pig for this one." Ryoko pointed as the sleepy Mihoshi, who was shuffling into the room. Washu turned around to see what they were talking about. Standing in the doorway, and scratching her mop of blonde hair, Mihoshi seemed to be unaware that she was wearing a circlet around her head, surrounded by blinky lights. "N- No way..." stammered the genius. "Wow, I'm tired. What a busy night," chirped Mihoshi. "But... the program... It had to be a dream. I know it wasn't in the computer," she babbled. "You couldn't have removed the files... they were encrypted." Mihoshi tilted her head, "What's wrong, Miss Washu?" "Never mind her," said Ryoko, "We were just talking about developed minds and how they like to play." "Ooh!" Mihoshi clapped her hands. "I like to play! What game are we doing? Hide and go seek?" Ayeka smirked. "Yes, well I guess it goes to show that not all people who like to play around necessarily have developed brains. Washu started laughing insanely. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Started 1999-10-28 Completed 2000-01-11 Last modified 2000-03-29 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Inspired, of course, by Washu's comment about Mihoshi in the (dubbed) OAVs: "She's a genius! I swear!"